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Friday, August 5th, 2005

Time:11:09 pm.
i just remembered i have this. I'm now twisted_ambers if you'd like to catch up on the fun.. or something..
Paint me a picture

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

Time:11:19 pm.
ugh.. now i feel sick.. :(
1 brush stroke| Paint me a picture

Time:11:11 pm.
Mood: sore.
Two essays back today: Poe one 61 and alexander pope one 59 ('I know it is harsh, but I think you can do better'). Good considering the shit I was going through whilst writing them.
Went without crutch today - knee FUCKING hurts.
I am eating a whole tube of pringles - BBQ with Arrogon (sp?) on the front. Ewan would have been better, but what can you do?
Got chatted up twice today. At least I know I'm not hideous, even though I feel like it.
Full of pity and self-loathing, I know.
Paint me a picture

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003

Time:10:03 pm.
Mood: blah.
Well, here I am again.
Its really tough, but I'm getting there. I've done too much work to drop out of uni now, and i'm not going to let Matt mess me up so much that that is the only option - i'm stronger than that (at least thats what I keep telling myself). I went home this weekend and realised how bad everything has got. Everything is all the same, again. I cannot differentiate between the feelings of missing home and my parents and being here alone. Everything is the same. I'm thinking about medication, but everything was the same now. I need something to break up the boring, single feeling which keeps infesting me. I hate feeling like this. I feel so crap and pathetic to feel like this, but its how I feel.
Plus my knee is disgustingly swollen.
Paint me a picture

Monday, November 17th, 2003

Time:7:50 pm.
Mood: crappy.
Well... lots of crap has happened since I last updated.
I am now at uni - yay.. University of Wales Aberystwyth. Not too sure if its all that great or not yet. I have no idea who decided to build this university on a hill. But its going ok. Doing a module in American Studies (American lit 1+2) which is good. The course is really good, really enjoying it. Done 4 essays, another 4 to go before breaking up for christmas (can't wait!!).

Had knee problems. Had a fucked up bonfire night. Got dumped and dislocated my knee on the same fucking day. Really shit. I won't go into all the details, but i'm not a happy bunny :( have been considering all sorts of things, like dropping out of uni. It's been so hard to cope with everything. I found it really difficult to concentrate on things. Going to see my personal tutor on wednesday to discuss my options.

I think the work is going ok. I got 64% on my first essay, which is the second level down from a 1st (2.1? Bollocks with the whole uni marking system). Quite pleased with that.

My flat mates are ok. One heavily religious Scottish guy who forces christianism onto everyone, one twat who lies about everything and does unmentionable things to my stuff, three third years (one from luxenburg who doesn't like me, the two girls are great), and .. well.. Mark. Soo many people doing film studies, and doing hardly any work whatsoever.

So.. thats my uni life so far. Work, dumped and crutches. Really wants me stay here for three years..
2 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Time:10:40 pm.
Mood: nervous.
Long time no see. I'm sure you all missed me. All three of you (at a push).

Lots has happened. Got my A level results: A in psychology, B in english, C in history. What I expected - not brilliant but ok for me. Matt got a C in english lit :) Michelle got three As. Really pleased for her. She's been through a lot recently. Her dad died suddenly and unexpectedly. Hopefully she's still going to Cardiff. Joy got A in psych, B in eng and D in biology which is amazing considering the stresses of her little brother and her dad in hospital.

I'm going to Aberystwyth on the 20th - 2 weeks today I'll be there. Really very scared about going, but kinda looking forward to it. I wish Matt was coming with me though :( I'm so pathetic!! I'll see him just as much.

Can't really think of anything else to write..... well done Kat with your exams!
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Friday, April 25th, 2003

Time:8:32 pm.
Mood: loved.
Quite a lot has been happening since I last updated.
I'm no longer going to Lancaster (sorry kat!), i'm going to go to Aberystywth instead now. They offered me an unconditional offer due to the scholarship exam I sat earlier in the year, and also £400/year which is ace. To be honest, I think I was looking at Lancaster through rose-tinted glasses but I much prefer Aber. Besides, I'm closer to Matt at Aber.
I really can't be bothered with college at the moment, especially when I don't need any good exam results to get there. Oh, in my A2 psychology module I got 105/105 :)
I'm so in love with Matt. I can't believe how lucky I am to have found such a wonderful person who loves me for who I am. He makes me so happy! I can't wait when I get to spend more time with him, because I miss him so much during the week. I know it sounds obsessive and posessive and stuff, but I can't bare to be without him. University is going to be so hard with him being further away :(
I've been ill recently - headaches and fainting. I'm waiting for the results of a blood test because they haven't the foggiest.
Matt's passed his driving test, yay! I like being driven around by him. I'm going to his again this weekend. His room is being re-decorated and he's got a new double bed :) hopefully it'll be up tomorrow to be tested..
So, thats it really.
2 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

Thursday, March 13th, 2003

Time:1:16 pm.
Mood: blah.
I hate livejournal - blurty is so much better. Thought I should update, as I have been instructed to do so from people on my friends list. So.
I got my results today: I got 105/105 in my psychology exam - woohoo! Muchly pleased. Am psychology goddess (or not). I got my resit results too which were a lot better than the previous exams, meaning that i'm 2 marks off an A in english (at AS standard) and 2 marks off a B in history (AS). This gives me a greater chance of achieving an A in english in the summer, and a B in history. I need BBB to get into lancs, but want to do better.
Speaking of which, went to Lancaster again yesterday. It is highly amusing sitting with my father on the M6. I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel. Met the lovely Kat from here. It would be very cool if we both went, considering we both want to do the same course. Am considering doing psychology in the first year, as i'm so ace at it (yes, right).
Fucking financial support forms have to be in tomorrow!! No body even told me about them in fucking college. Bunch of twats. Hopefully will get it in on time - dads going to pop it in tomorrow when i'm on my driving lesson (i'm a very good driver, btw. My 3 point turns/turns in the road are perfect).
So yes, thats my life. Other crap things have been happening but I won't mention them - lets keep it happy.
Here's the address for my poetry blurty:

toodle pip
Paint me a picture

Sunday, December 1st, 2002

Time:8:18 pm.
I think this is maybe my favourite out of my poems.

The Playground

The swings creaking in the wind
remembering time gone by.
The roundabout slowly turns,
engraved with notes from lovers,
telling a thousand tales.
The slide now rusty
still has it’s charm.
Tiny footprints of water walk across the sandpit
making their ever-lasting journey across the desert.
The see-saw cracked and blistered,
the dull colours highlighting the grey.
The single dome of the climbing frame
it’s metallic smell lingering in the air.

The sun breaks through the grey,
erasing the journey through the sand.
The dull maroon, yellow and navy
turn into cerise, lemon and calbot.
Water droplets vanish.
It is not so lonely,
the child’s laughter returns
the swings have better times to come.
Paint me a picture

Saturday, November 30th, 2002

Time:9:58 pm.
Mood: blah.
Current offers:
Cardiff-english literature (woop)
Aberystywth-creative writing and english literature
Derby-ditto (ahem..)

No ones asked for my portfolio, as yet, but will post it to lancaster after e-mailing them.
I was writing my christmas card list this weekend. I don't really have any friends any more. Well, much less than this time last year. I don't really hang around the same people. I don't like hanging around with the same people. I'm so anti-social. But I hate it here. It's really pathetic, but I remain to dread each and every college day, mainly because of my history lessons and the people in them. I really hope that people at uni don't continue to leer at me, call me names behind my back, and don't mock me like they have all my life.

But I got offers from cardiff and lancaster, so thats good. I guess.
Paint me a picture

Friday, September 6th, 2002

Time:9:01 pm.
Mood: tired.
I know, I know.. I haven't updated in ages. I didn't think anyone would notice, but dear listen_to_me posted a comment to ask if I was ok so yay :)

Leeds was great. Saw the modly peaches (!!!!), the white stripes, dandy warhols, trail of dead, spartus, vex red, ash (well.. kinda, from the big wheel), muse, a little bit of the strokes, weezer, pulp, mercury rev, foos, a, six by seven, 100 reasons.... think thats about it. The comedy tent was pretty good - even though I embarassed myself by wearing a skirt. One comedian decided to walk around the people sitting down and make fun of them etc.. when he walked past he shouted "I can see right up your skirt!" and then something like "There's nothing better than seeing a young girl glistening in the moonlight".. hmm. But it was great :) cold and wet at times.. bumpy ground (but not as bumpy as last year), and other good things that didn't happen last year :)
hope kat had a good time too

I'm now also 17 - yay! Driving lessons staring soon. Got loads of nice pressies from friends, like photo frames, cups, handcuffs (ahem), other practicle things that i need. Lovely pressies from dearest matt also - including really nice cds, green eggs and ham (yay!!), some plays i wanted, run lola run and henry's cat on dvd :)

Back at college.. isn't too bad. Dropped art - my art teacher wasn't too happy but its his fault. Hmm.. lots of work already but never mind. My poetry english paper has been sent off for, because they can't understand how I got an A in two englishes and then an E in the other. But I can understand how i got an A in one history exam and a U in another.. but nevermind - am resitting that in january.

Anyways... hope everyones ok....
6 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002

Time:7:52 pm.
Mood:annoyed&pissed off at myself...
I failed the maths and chemistry part of my general studies exam today.

The only good part of today was getting texts and an email from matt
2 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

Tuesday, May 21st, 2002

Time:4:36 pm.
Mood: sick.
Too lazy/sore to write a proper entry.
Exam went well.

I see - my computer screen which has lots of pretty blue and purple on it.
I find - that throat sweets don't actually work, and only make you feel sick.
I want - to be well and with matt and not have to worry about exams
I have - a cold due to bloody exam stress..
I wish - i had some chocolate cake
I love - Matt.. stupid question
I hate - lots of people and things, including coughs and sneezes and my voice at the mo
I miss - mattius
I fear - i'll fail all my exams!!!!!!
I feel - ill
I hear - silence
I smell - nothing - my smell has gone away
I crave - my tea
I search - for cold relief
I wonder - whether i will ever get oil paint off my arms
I regret - not spending time doing art coursework at the beginning of the year

When was the last time you ...
Smiled? - urm.. when I came out of the exam..
Laughed? - it hurts to laugh
Cried? - sunday night
Bought something? - my lunch: veggie burger and a caramel bar
Danced? - last college party when i was a little bit tiddly
Were sarcastic? - about 10 mins ago
Kissed someone? - a week last sunday
Had sex? - see above
Talked to an ex? - ...
Had a nightmare? - last night i dreamt that we were all trapped in the common room because shropshire had flooded. All we had to eat and drink was the contents of the chocolate and can machine. All the twats raided the chocolate machine and ate it all, without rationing it for everyone else..
Last thing you had to drink - lemon tea
Last time you showered - this morning
Last thing you ate - my lunch

CD in your CD player at the moment - Static & silence - the sundays
Song which best describes you - urm.. Is she weird - the pixies?
When did you last watch your favorite film? - i don't really have one.. I watched a bit of dogma last night though
Last book you read - I'm reading oranges are not the only fruit. Before that it was a brave new world.. i think.
Last film you saw - watched a bit of dogma last night
Last song you heard - velouria - the pixies

hmm.. now that was interesting..
Paint me a picture

Monday, May 20th, 2002

Time:4:14 pm.
Mood:not bad.. bit crappy...
I think my psychology exam went pretty well. Hopefully last psychology exam ever. Claire and joy think they have failed though. English tomorrow.
One question was involving a girl called Amy - demand characteristic? Making me bias to sway in her opinion? Bit of a distraction?

Am feeling a bit better than i did yesterday. My kind father went to the shops and brought back a whole chemist for me. Yummy buttercup syrup has made my cough better.

Still miss matt.

Does anyone have any suggestions - that that i'll get any comments back - about books I can read in my study week for coursework? I've got to take a part of a book and change the genre. Was thinking diary entry for rob or laura in high fidelity.. or mr egg in the day in the death of joe egg.

Suggestions please..
6 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

Saturday, May 18th, 2002

Time:8:02 pm.
Mood: geeky.
Am pleased with the amount of work i've done today for my psychology exam on monday:
  • finished social psychology revision: obedience

  • did a test on all social psychology and got 15/15

  • went over the whole memory unit again

  • did a test on memory and got 15/15

  • went over face recognition again

  • went over eye witness testimony again

  • i think i'm prepared for monday
    not perpared for matt going :(
    2 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

    Sunday, May 12th, 2002

    Time:9:37 pm.
    Mood: sad.
    Had a great weekend but it ended on a sad note.
    Today was the last time I get to see my darling
    [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj_user"silentmatt">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

    Had a great weekend but it ended on a sad note.
    Today was the last time I get to see my darling <lj_user"Silentmatt"/> for 3 weeks. I haven't seem him for about that when he went to crete (i think that i didn't see him for 2 weeks then though.. can't really remember exactly), but I still spoke and texted him now and again. Due to the massive fees of china I won't be able to :'(
    It's going to be so bad.
    I was so upset at the train station today. I couldn't watch his train leave. It's going to be hell going through my exams, which, by the way start wednesday..
    7 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

    Monday, May 6th, 2002

    Time:9:36 pm.
    Have calmed down now.
    My background's pretty..
    Paint me a picture

    Time:3:06 pm.
    Mood: pissed off.
    I have just recieved my anthology with a letter from Lisa. Here's some extracts:

    I feel that, when amongst others, you see me as this dense airhead without a clue. You probably don't think this, but this is how you're making me feel.
    -unfair to make this judgement? She makes me feel dense. Friday, I was upset about a predicted grade i got which she mentions earlier. However, she talks of resitting the whole of my a levels if need be - and this doesn't make me feel like a "dense airhead without a clue"?

    The only person I could identify with was/is Gemma and now shes gone. I guess it's hit me shes gone away and this is why I take things out on you
    -What have i got to do with her going away? She knew she was only staying here for a short period of time. The reason why she annoyed us about her was because she NEVER shut up about her. She skived loads of days off school to go up town about her. Even at lisa's birthday, she was with Gemma. I had Matt, but Joy was left out.

    When you were upset about your art grade I tried to get you to talk to me but you would't. When Claire came in you opened up to her.
    this was because claire is my best friend. It was also because she got a better predicted grade than i did. She hasn't done any work for art, I work my ass off. She gets loads of help and sees the art teacher loads. I've never had any help off any teacher, and see them about once in the 5 hours of lessons we have each week.

    fucking ... argh...
    Paint me a picture

    Sunday, May 5th, 2002

    Time:2:09 pm.
    Mood: loved.
    Had a great time at Matt's :)
    We went to see Mansun on friday night, and they were cool. Athlete (the supporting band) weren't bad either.
    I think he enjoyed friday as much as I did :)
    I'm wearing his old hefner tshirt at the moment. It's smells of him which is really yummy. Have also aquired his old space invaders top and a glittery gremlins top which is really cute. I'm so glad that they still had it in the shop.
    He's coming over next weekend which'll be fun, but probably the last time I see him before he goes to china. This means my psychology exam is 2 weeks tomorrow. Oh fuck.
    I'm really going to miss him.

    Lisa's a moo - which really isn't new. Wow i'm so good at poetry. She had my anthology thursday to give me friday; she didn't go to english so i couldn't get it back; left a voicemail on her phone friday; text her yesterday; left another message on her phone and spoke to her mum who said she was 'babysitting' and she'd 'get her to call me'. Still haven't heard anything from her.

    This pisses me off, but i'm not going to let it ruin my good mood.
    Paint me a picture

    Wednesday, May 1st, 2002

    Time:9:15 pm.
    Mood: tired.
    My computer is very pretty and blue.
    My hand is killing me. The only times i haven't been writing today was at break; lunch; art (painting instead); when i've been on the toilet; and when i've been eating. Doesn't leave a lot of time away from a pen. All the muscles have tensed up in my arm and hand. Gah. I'm such a swot, as my darling boyfriend keeps telling me. At least i'm doing well with the masses of revision.
    Am v.jealous. duplokate's friend is playing in a band thats supporting the almightly seafood. The arrangement is similar to that anyways.
    I've just heard the people playing at the carling weekend. It sounds ace.. I really hope seafood are playing again though. It'll be the only chance to see them live again.
    15 days until the 1st exam..
    4 brush strokes| Paint me a picture

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